How to Watch the Playoffs Without Going Into Labor

I obviously didn’t plan the timing of this pregnancy well, since I now find myself watching the Caps’ playoff run from the comfort of my couch instead of being at the Verizon Center. When you’re 9 months pregnant and less than a month away from giving birth (in total, it actually works out to 40 weeks, or 10 months), and you can’t fit into the seats anymore, it’s time to stay at home. Dear husband Chanuck is at the arena, so it’s just me, the remote, and the Internet. The one key item I’m missing is beer, of course. Don’t talk to me about non-alcoholic beers; they’re pointless. Let’s hope the Caps win so I won’t be wishing I had one.
7:10- Here we go! Can’t get enough of that sea of red. Glad to hear the “Flyers suck” chant is going already.
7:14- How ironic that Brashear gets the first goal against his former team.
7:23- Lousy Vinny Prospal. I hope the Caps shove it up his posterior.
7:29- Here’s the Flyers’ statistically impressive power play. Deep breathing exercises commence: hee-hee-hoo, hee-hee-hoo.
7:36- The GEICO ad with the dancing caveman is actually kind of entertaining- then again, I’m a fan of jazz hands. The Bruno Cipriani ad, however, is not. I think it would be greatly improved if Giuliana or Joe B. used jazz hands.
7:43- End of the 1st period. What’s with the two guys in the crowd wearing Rangers jerseys? They’re clearly confused- why, the Rangers aren’t playing here tonight!
8:05- Joe B. is ridiculing a fan for “scarfing down a little snack” and not sharing his chicken fingers. That guy must be pregnant too.
8:06- Excellent goal by Steckel! That’s a great way to come back from a broken finger.
8:17- Briere is going to sit in the box and feel shame. There is some justice in the world after all.
8:22- So much for that justice- the Magical Spearing Midget (MSM) scores a goal.

8:23- The baby is kicking up a storm after Prospal’s second goal. Can’t say I blame her. Here come more hee-hee-hoos.
8:30- MSM scores another one. Well, I’m always happy when people with disabilities show they can succeed.
8:38- HEE-HEE-HOO.
8:40- I receive an email from Dave Lifton. “Ugh, kill me now,” he says. I couldn’t agree more.
9:01- Mike Green singlehandedly stopped the light contractions I was having.
9:10- Mike Green again! We may have to consider naming this baby Michaela.
9:28- I spoke too soon; we may also need to consider the name Alexandra.
9:33- This last minute is going to kill me. Contractions starting again.
9:34- WHEW. Time for a celebratory bowl of ice cream (no pickles, though).
If every game is like this one, I think the baby is coming early.

This entry was posted in Alexander Ovechkin, Dave Steckel, Donald Brashear, Joe Beninati, Mike Green, Philadelphia Flyers, Washington Capitals. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to How to Watch the Playoffs Without Going Into Labor

  1. Mark G says:

    Just found this site and it’s rather funny. My wife is 6 months pregnant and is just starting to understand why I am like I am during the NHL playoffs, especially when my Caps are in contention. She actually went to sleep when the Flyers were up 4-2, I woke her up with my 3 outbursts and she couldn’t believe they came back. And I quote “I’m actually starting to get into this hockey thing” My response…:)
    Richmond, VA

  2. vt caps fan says:

    Awesome story DCSC. Lets hope the baby girl will enjoy her first hockey game as a new born. : )

  3. nic says:

    So you’ll be in the delivery room, the doctor will be trying to put the mask over your face, and you’ll be pushing him out of the way: “Not until the end of the game!” 🙂

  4. Dave Lifton says:

    Whenever I see the Bruno Cipriani ad these days, I think of Joey’s tailor on Friends.
    “That’s how they measure pants…in PRISON!”

  5. Nic, you’re probably right about that!

  6. Bethany says:

    Totally didn’t know you were pregnant! But, anyway congrats (on the baby, and of course on the win!!)

  7. chanuck says:

    I wish you were with me. But can’t wait till I can bring baby Gordette to a playoff game. 😉

  8. nic says:

    I love “Gordette!”
    When my sister was pregnant with her first (during the ’98 playoff run, in fact) I was lobbying for the name Gordon. She mentioned to a fried “Nic wants to name the baby Gordon because it’s a good hockey name.”
    Friend said “You’re going to let your son play hockey?!”
    Without missing a beat, my sister said “If she can skate, I’m letting my daughter play hockey!”

  9. Junior says:

    “Wendel” has a nice ring to it, if you ask me – and a gazillion Leaf fans. I’m just sayin’.

  10. Nic's Sister says:

    I think I still have the teeny little Caps jersey that Nic gave me for my baby shower in ’98. I had it draped across my belly whenever I was on the couch watching the games, since the fetus hadn’t learned to cheer yet.
    Well, at least watching the game at home means not having to wait in line for the bathroom. Although I found that a well placed grimace while holding my stomach would get me to the front of the line veeeery quickly.

  11. LMAO! So true re: the well-placed grimace 🙂

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